Hi there, I'm still here

Sorry that I have been AWOL. The temptation to write again has not been strong until now. I guess I was waiting for something to happen, something I could write about.

Thanks to all the advice from my last post. Still thinking on what to do, but for now I got a job in Nigeria and I'll be moving back home. I've had an itch to go back home for a long time, and when I applied for this job from here in the states, I did not think I would get it. But I did and I am grateful. Also, i do not have to serve (although I would have loved to), and now that the NYSC thing is getting stricter and foreign students cant choose where to go anymore, I'm glad I can skip it.

I hear I might not be able to work anywhere w/o the NYSC cert, but I do not think it matters. I intend to be there for only three years. So, I will be back y'all!

Next update, I am officially a girlfriend. I have not been a girlfriend in a LONG time. BF is here, hence my coming back in three years. Hopefully, I get the experience I need in this short time.

Yh, yh... I hear the WHAT? You leaving your bf for 3yrs? well, thing is, God has a way of working things. Of all the jobs I applied for here, I got none, and when I get the job in 9ja, I get a call for an interview in Nebraska. Nebraska!!!! I mean, who wants to go there (although I thought about it), who wants to go to iceland! Not me! And I feel like God wants me in Nigeria, and although it seems like I am throwing my rel away, God has a plan for me and BF! He supports my move and hey, we can do long distance. Its just 3yrs (shaky voice).

OMG...moving is a hassle! As In! ridiculous! car, stuff and myself! I hate it.

Maybe I'll have a lot more to write about. I think Nigeria is just a bloggers hub, so many things happen there that will happen only in Nigeria! No where else!

Did I mention that its in Abuja? Parents in Lagos so I have to land in Lag (since my car ships to Lag) and the drive to Abuja. Maybe I might run into Bob-Ij.

PS: Blackberry users are a hilarious bunch of people! A few stats I had read today...

 You escorted your uncle to the international airport and came back with a british accent #Godiswatchingyou

You no get shishi for account and ya listening to "dami duro" instead of "mercies of the Lord" #Godiswatchingyou

Your mom sells palm oil and your dad sells cooking gas and then you turn around and say that your parents are into oil and gas #Godiswatchingyou

You and your friend are on 2 seperate okadas and you post on your bbm "convoy things" #Godiswatchingyou

Your mother and sisters have pot bellies and you are insisting your girlfriend must have a flat tummy #Godiswatchingyou in 3D

You update your BBM status with "i love ONLY you boo" and 45 girls reply privately with "thanks luv" #Godiswatchingyou

Aseni

Niche? Passion? Blanking out!

First off, I am sorry I have been off the grid for a bit. Went to Nigeria, came back and had a ground zero moment. Back up. Not fully charged, but getting there. Thanks to @ilola, Toinlicious and MissyTee.

Now, to the post…

I believe that the stages of the lifecycle of a career go thus… Take part in an internship (maybe), get your first job (which is just a job), get your foot through the door of your career and then it’s “the sky is the limit” from there on.

I always thought that at my present age, I would be at the “career” phase. Well, I must have calculated wrong, or just not pushed enough. Anyways, I, like most people have decided to veer off that general lifecycle of getting into a job that becomes one’s career. Right now, I am currently in the job phase.

My heart is as far from here like Africa is from the US (I suck at using similes). Getting into what I envisioned would be my career is not as easy as I thought it would be. I think I have applies to at least a hundred jobs in the last two months.

(I am an entry level gal, so its frustrating when you are not getting audience because of experience. How the heck would I show you I can be very good at my job if you would not give me a chance or even hear me out; everyone gets to be trained anyways…DANGIT! Ok done venting)

I have gotten to a point where getting the “we are sorry but your qualifications did not meet our needs” letter does not bug me anymore. I keep applying though, because I do realize that unemployment is still high and although I do no have the job I want, I still have a job. It pays my bills. J  

I have also come to that point where my brain has started storming. “How can I create extra income for myself?” “What would I love doing?” “How can I help people and make money at the same time?” “If HR refuses to let me in the door, what else can I do?” So I started to research business ideas and how to create realistic and sustainable businesses. The answers I found ranged from “find a niche” to “make your passion your business”. Sounds easy right? NO!

In my search for something to do, I realized that either do not have a passion or I have been in the wrong places and have not come to realize what my passion is. I thought about different ideas. Using my blog as an income generating platform popped into my head, but as I assume you have noticed, I am here almost never. Writing is not first nature to me. Not even second or third. It just comes once in a while. I can’t imagine how Myne Whitman does it, because even Bella Naija uses a team to keep their page updated on a daily basis. Linda Ikeji is another one, but she is a gossip blog and does not have to put up write ups. I don’t do gossip research well.

I have been drawing blanks since then. I need inspiration. In Lieu of this, I have decided to watch people, observe what it is that they do without ease and think of improvements; ask people what they would love to see done to things they use everyday. Also, I will put out some surveys to find out niches.

I am hoping something falls through soon.

Share your thoughts. J

ground zero

am defiled
over and over again i have been used
so much that i now give myself away
parts of me have been taken away
i have willfully given away my virtue
i weep
not for the wrongs that people have done me
but because even in a mirror i couldnt see my scars
the song of my sins being sang in my ears cause me to cringe
i could not have done those things. i could not.
or could i.
theres proof. the scars on my soul tell the world who i am

i wash and wash and wash.... but the blood wont go
the more i wash the more i bleed.

help me find my way.

i want to start over.

To be honest

Being honest is quite hard.
Its a new year though, so am gonna do my best.

I will be honest with myself about the way i feel (although quite confused)
I will be honest about my shortcomings and failures!
I will be honest with people around me.
I will be honest with my parents about where i stand in regards to their point of view (no more ass kissing)
I will be honest to friends about the truth they dont want to hear.
I will be honest in telling people how unattractive and ridiculous they are!
I will be honest in telling people to mind their business!
I will be honest in telling people that I do not have to answer their questions.
I will be honest to God about how helpless i feel without him.

To be honest, I do not think being honest will be that hard!

Btw ppl....Happy New Year! We made it into 2012! Yay!

Love, Aseni

How na?

It has been a while. I have been busy with school and all. Did I tell y'all that I would be graduating this december? Well, i will in a few days actually. I am not excited as I should be though. I guess it is because I am a little anxious; a masters degree just tells me that i have no reason to go back to school and cower under the excuse of "I am a student" anymore. Its real world time. I have been brainstorming ideas of what to do for myself *no one wants to be an employee or be calling someone else "oga" for too long*. Gotta figure it out while i get the experience i need.

Meanwhile, I gotta think...do i really want to go back to naija or should I just sit my yansh here? thinking, thinking, thinking...I guess after my visit trip there, i will figure it out. Besides, there is one boy somewhere that i think kinda has my heart and lil part of my head *gotta snatch my head back sha*.  Logic and Emotions should never mix...Logic should be first. Abi i lie?

Saw this somewhere..."life without God is like an unsharpened pencil, it has no point". Anonymous


No school, just work and time on my hand to apply for a real job now. Ehen, i dont have any excuse not to loose the weight anymore. no more "I am too busy". Since my oga's will not let me hear word. So hopefully 10lbs by March eh? feasible? lets see...

I don yarn finish..i tire...back to my final 8pg paper. At least for the next 4yrs before i go for an MBA. *my folks say MS is not enough*

Love,
Aseni

PS...what the heck is wrong with naija govt with this homosexuality ban law? ehn? when we have more important things as light, all dem thief thief, and bad roads ehn? i guess, there no making money from the ban on homos so they could pull that one quite fast! mschew!

One night with the King

My King, 

The only one that sees my flaws and loves me the same. He is absolutely perfect. Perfection is His first name. He bears me in His arms and lays on me kisses of love. He loves me with an eternal love; it never dies. He watches me sleep; Not even a fly touches my "oh-so-wonderfully-made" skin. He thinks it is flawless though I see scars everywhere. 

You see, I am His and He is mine. I am His princess and He knows that my heart beats for Him. He smiles when I wake up with His name on my lips, He loves that He is the one I call when I get into trouble. 

Thing is, I know His love for me runs deep, So I ain't scared to fess up. 

He does all I ask but one thing He asks from me is that I do not take advantage of Him. He wants to be appreciated. And when I do, He gives me more than I ask. 

So when I asked that He give me a man just like Him, He smiled, and says Yes. 

A man after His heart - A David

A man who will walk with Him - An Enoch

A man whose faith is unquestionable - An Abraham

A man called for a purpose - A Moses

A man of Valor - A Gideon

A man who God hears - An Elijah

A man who will see me the way God sees me and love me with a 1st Corinth 13 love

A man who will appreciate the Proverbs 31 woman I am trying to be

A Boaz who will see the Ruth in me

A King Ahasuerus who will need me as his Esther

An Elkanah Standing by Hannah, waiting on God for Samuel

A thousand years is said to be a day in my King's eyes,

So my time in His presence, my time of waiting, waiting on God, enjoying God's company

...Is my one Night with the King. 

Note: No man is perfect and the men in the bible mentioned here all had their issues. I only mentioned them for the good qualities they had among others. And I know the man God gives me wont be perfect, but he will be perfect for me. Mine!

Love, 

Aseni 

Assumptions

We were best friends,
I assumed we were just friends,
I was wrong.
He assumed I would never see him as more than a friend
He was wrong.

Now he is walking away and my heart would not tell my mind to tell my mouth what to say!

Assumptions can destroy a perfect world. A relationship. A family. Anything that needs communication to stay strong.

Love,
Aseni